i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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