I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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