I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
