someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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