i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
