Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
