It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
