I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
