Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
