She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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