Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I supernannyed him into submission
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
