I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
