Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
jump out the window naked night went bad
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
