I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
