You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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