Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
