Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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