I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
