So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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