btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
