I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
nutella sex= disaster
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
