I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
