Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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