Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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