Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
