mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
