No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
