I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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