do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
