I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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