Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
