isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
