My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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