Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
