it was like eating out sand paper
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
