my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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