I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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