And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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