its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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