At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
