On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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