My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
