Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
