HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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