I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
