I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
