Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
