it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
