you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
