We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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