he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
