my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
