you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
