god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
handjob tips. give me some.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
