Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FUCK WHALES
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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